Be forewarned, friends, there is a lot of angry ranting and use of the word "I" in here.
It's the middle of the workweek, and as many with internet access often do, I've found myself strolling along aimlessly through the world wide web, stopping here and there for things like personality quizzes and video clips. La di da, etc etc, here's a clothing store, there's some makeup tips...
and then, on an article (which will remain nameless) about "the best so and so for your shape":
"Boyish frames should look for pieces with ultra-feminine frills, like ruffles, lace or eyelet fabrics to play up your girly side."
Ah yes. Ruffles, lace, and eyelet fabrics are universally girly, right?
And if you're a girl, but aren't shaped like a fertility goddess, well you'd better play up your girly side, sister, because how else are all the men going to know that you're fertile and ready to begin dutifully popping out babies for them?
Let's just say some serious anger began bubbling up inside me.
You're one of these shapes and you're locked in. There's the ideal one, right in the middle so you don't miss it.
This is far from the first time I've seen something like this.
Create strategic curves with these lines and shapes, they say.
Better get something with ruffles to give the illusion of bigger boobs, they advise. Sure, sometimes they say nice things like
here's this cool thing you
can wear because you
don't have any unseemly bodily bulges to play down. Then, of course, you put yourself in the shoes of the ladies at the other end of the spectrum, who are essentially being told--with that overused word "curvy"--that they're fat. I suppose you can't really win in the ideal body game. But for today, I'm focusing on the side of it that I myself am all too familiar with.
I don't really have curves. It's something I've been conscious of my whole life, since I was a little girl lying in my bed staring at my chest thinking,
they'll be big someday, I'm sure. Middle school was spent waiting, and then realizing, horrified, that
not everyone grew giant boobs. Throughout my teenage years I was reminded of my straight frame by my friends, pop culture, and most often, by the voice in my head.
A woman.
And then--the cherry on top--I entered into a three-year long relationship with someone who constantly made me feel as if I'd be perfect, if only I were more of an a hourglass. I was told--and these quotes are as direct as my memory allows--that if I had thicker thighs, wider hips, a bigger butt, and D cups,
if only I had those, he would like me better. Plastic surgery was encouraged. I was even told I should gain weight (not muscle weight, fat weight) because, drawing from his extensive knowledge of how the human body works, he thought gaining 15 pounds would turn me into some kind of voluptuous vixen.
A little less of a woman.
I think it's safe to say that as a human being, and knowing myself, I'll probably never be *entirely* at peace with my body. The insecurities will pop up here and there. But really, guys, besides the physical benefits that come from working out (and maybe aside from the occasional hair dyeing), there's nothing I would change about my body now. It makes me
me. And if someone can't accept me and love me for exactly who I am--nothing less, nothing more--then they're not worth my time. Period. No one is allowed to tell me that I'm any less of a woman because of my waist-to-hip ratio.
A ruler. Aka me; aka even less of a woman.
So when I see things like that ^, I get a knot in my throat and I feel like screaming,
who the hell are you to tell me that if I don't have curves, I have to make up for it with ruffles?
Dear beauty website: I'll dress however I want to dress, and feel however the fuck I want to feel about it, okay? No, don't answer that. Because this isn't about you. It's about me.
I can go all cliche and say that we're all beautiful, beautiful is a state of mind, beauty comes from the inside, etc, but we're all familiar with those phrases. The campaign to redefine beauty has been going for a while now. But instead of doing that, I'm going to go ahead and "undefine" it. I'm not beautiful, I'm not ugly, because after all this, who knows what that means. I am the facts: I'm a woman, I'm myself. I don't need ruffles to attract a man, and I don't need to attract a man to be a woman. I don't need a website to tell me that I need to dress a certain way and do my hair just so and wear this makeup so I fit the archetype of what is, today, this year, in this ever-changing world, attractive.
I'll probably continue to read these articles. There's no doubting that they're often fun and entertaining. Sometimes I really am interested in knowing what shade of blush best complements my skin tone (the answer: the color your cheeks naturally are. It stunned me...).
But I will take everything with a grain of salt, and the knowledge that I love my body, my body does not define me, and I am what I am, regardless of how pop culture chooses to categorize me. I'm in my own category, as we all are. You are the curves of your body and lack thereof, and at the same time completely separate from them.
Hell, you are whatever you want to be. Don't listen to me; define yourself. Or, don't. It's all up to you.
xoxo
Maralah
ps. the images are from these nameless sites I'm talking about. not mine, don't own them, yadayada.
