Ahimsa

Today I learned what it means to put another's needs before your own.
Today I learned what it means to stop, to reflect, to realize that just because this feels right to you, it may not be the right thing for the other person.

I've spent years focusing on myself and my own needs because that is what I needed. To heal, to root, to grow. For a time this is often all the emerging spirit can do. What am I, what do I need, what do I yearn for. This is good. This is healthy. This has a limit.

I wanted to see him, wanted to reconnect, wanted to help heal the wounds I inflicted. I thought I had to be there to help him. I was wrong.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is leave.

I saw and felt the pain in him and I knew it was because of me and I collapsed inside and I knew I had done wrong. I knew I had gone too far, talked too much, laughed too much, touched too much.

Or maybe it was just enough for us both to know: this is the end. Maybe.

Know yourself well enough to know the effect that you have on others. Know yourself well enough to stop.

I have never felt so humbled. In the presence of a soul so strong and so beautiful I saw that I was doing nothing but holding it back. In my heart I bowed to him and slowly stepped back and let him go.

I let go. It hurts me but that doesn't matter, because he's all that matters now. I will no longer let my wants get in the way of his needs.

I no longer know what love means. It is silly, really, to try and put the fire in our beings into one word. The term encompasses so much, and in its vastness generates so much confusion. I love you, I said. I will always love you. But though the words were true, they could not possibly communicate to him what I felt. I love you but I can't. That was all I could say. And to a healing heart, those words are daggers.

You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are more than these earthly words could ever describe.

I have learned my lesson.

I am so sorry.

Ahimsa. Nonviolence. Do not injure.