A Timeless Dream

This new year has me looking back...on the romantic dreams of my tween days and the one-hit wonders that served as the soundtrack to my life.

Remember this?



And this?? (Vanessa Carlton was more than a one-hit wonder, to be fair.)



How about this? (Of course you remember this.)



And this...the song that I pictured every boy I had a crush on singing to me. Oh lord. I'm just now finding out what Daniel Bedingfield looks like...I think I'll stick to the Latino dreamboat I pictured as a 12 year old.



I listened to these (and a lot more, trust me, I spared you) over and over on my beloved cassette tapes that my uncle mixed for me using the very first music pirating software. Point is, they still make me melt. Oh, what the years can't change, hard as they try (trust me I tried, during my "no mainstream music whatsoever" phase).

What were the romantic dreams of the 10-13 year old me, you ask? Just what any girl would want: a musical, poetic, intense-eyed hunk whose dream girl was me. Reasonable, right?

But I suppose what I was really hoping for, underneath it all, was something and someone special. And looking back on the years since then, I can say with certainty and a smile that what I hoped for came true. Everything that has happened, that which has come and gone and left its mark, has been special to me.

I don't feel as if I've loved and lost, only loved. And the dreamer in me hasn't been silenced. What more could I ask for?

Happy New Year, and happy new moon. May this coming morning be, as with every other morning, an opportunity to live your dreams and see the best in the world.

xoxo
Juliana

A California Christmas

It's not exactly snowy here in the bay area. The leaves are still falling...



Flowers are still in bloom...



Fruits are still ripening.


But our wintry spirit will not be deterred by this faux wintry weather. We will make gingerbread, even if we keep the dough in the fridge too long and have to thaw it in the 64 degree sun outside.




Guarding the gingerbread against cookie dough burglars.



We'll convert the courtyard into an enclosed, heated hall for Christmas Eve dinner.


Little sister cleaning obsessively (when she was 4 or 5, she asked for a broom for Christmas).


Imagine this with lights, space heaters, a big rug, and a candlelit food-laden table in the center. Too much? Maybe, but worth it.

We'll add to the stars in the sky. Aren't these beautiful?



We'll do outdoor yoga in little clothing in the backyard. I unfortunately don't have a picture of that, as I was upside down at the time. I'll continue to ponder my vegetarianism and why I'm somehow not bothered by eating fish. I'll go see "the Hobbit 2"--absolutely ridiculous--with a fellow Tolkien purist so we can list every little thing that's wrong with it (already working on an informative, if a bit rant-y, post on that subject). I'll see some dear friends visiting from near and far, make my Christmas sangria, henna my hair, get *something else* pierced, continue to try and do an unsupported forearm stand...

I could go on and on. Soon classes will be in session again, but until then, I'm trying to spend as little time as I can sleeping and as much time as I can doing things I love with the people I love. To-do outpaces done, and fortunately I thrive on to-do lists. Especially when the lists include things like "bake cookies" and "go on a hike" (aw, really? Do I have to?).

On a perhaps less cheery note: today, as I watched my mother write out her list of every obligatory present we had to buy for everyone we know, I felt the holiday spirit was a little lost. I found myself thinking how nice it would be if people didn't expect presents by a deadline. Nevertheless, until I decide if I want to try and convince our family to change the system, I'll abide by the current constructs. While I haven't the money to buy anyone Christmas presents this year, I'm doing my best to be super crafty and thoughtful and come up with costless gifts for my clan. I'm telling you, it's not easy being creative. Maybe I'll make everyone gingerbread cookies? In their likeness?



I also found some uberadorable fairy doors on Etsy. These made my heart flutter. At first I thought of getting them for my 10-year-old sister and said to myself, no, she's getting too old for that. Then I scolded myself for thinking such awful thoughts. *No one is ever too old to build fairy houses, Juliana*.



And happy Solstice, all. Now finally the sun will start hanging out with me more. Just what a summer child loves to hear.

xoxo
Juliana

The Meat Of It

I've been home for break for about a day now and have so far crossed two recipes off my to-bake/cook list. While I definitely have the time to make these things while at school, there's a special sort of culinary motivation that only comes from cooking for your family. Whether or not they end up being able to stomach what you make for them, if you're as lucky as I am, you have a handful of loving guinea pigs who are willing to try.

Last night, with some assistance from my little sister, I churned out two loaves of Finnish Christmas bread (following this recipe, noted by Milla in one of her recent posts) and, this afternoon, in accordance with my new vegetarianism, cooked my first batch of seitan.


Some beautiful bread if I do say so myself.

What I learned: a) kneading bread dough with molasses in it can be incredibly frustrating and confusing ("haven't I added enough flour already??") and b) simmering something in vegetable broth and soy sauce for an hour will give you some very, very flavorful stuff. I'm talking about the essence of savory. It's not something I could eat on its own; I'm thinking of incorporating it into a vegetarian spaghetti bolognese, a suggestion made by Claire in her own personal seitan recipe. If you follow the link you'll find a recipe much more personalized and complex (and undoubtedly delicious) than the one I used:



as I wanted to start with the basics. I find it so cool that you can do this whole process from scratch and add whatever you like. I've tried out a few other store-bought meat substitutes, but the daunting unpronounceable ingredient list on most of them, not to mention the simple fact that they're frozen and not fresh, never fails to give me the chills. No labor, no love.

I have yet to ponder what else I might add to my own (I'll certainly be trying out Claire's recipe). And why don't I have a picture of the seitan up? You know why. It looks like brains. As soon as I actually use it in a meal I'll reveal the appetizing-looking version.

I'll also, hopefully, have some unique recipes to share with y'all coming up. With this wonderful holiday time on my hands now, I have plans to cook, bake, cook, bake, write, and hike. And then cook and bake. You'll be hearing from me.

I hope the holiday season finds you all merry and well, and if you happen to be reading this, many thank yous to Milla and Claire for inspiring two delicious recipes that will be made over and over.

xoxo
Juliana

Light, Clean and Green

I never, ever in a million years thought I'd be saying this, but:

It looks like I might be becoming a vegetarian.

I've tried to post about this a few times, but I couldn't seem to write anything that made sense. After all, this is all new to me. I have never looked down on vegetarians, but I've never understood them, either. Eating meat is a natural thing; food chains are built upon the fact. We derive necessary proteins from it, and we are not the only animals who eat other animals. There is nothing wrong with eating meat. Right?

Yet suddenly, after an incident with some ribs, I can't eat it anymore. I feel like a cannibal.

I haven't necessarily justified it, because as a personal and harmless choice, I don't feel the need to. But I have attempted to explain the sudden turning of my appetite with the following logic: regardless of our biological needs and instincts, humans have, whether as an element of evolution or despite it, developed socially and spiritually to the point where each of us may have our own moral code. We may choose to do or not to do certain things that, without conscience, biology would drive us to. And this is also a natural thing.

So no, I no longer believe that animals should be raised and slaughtered and processed in order for me to eat. They don't have to. I can get protein from other places, and I can even eat meat substitutes (currently testing Gardein products; the crispy tenders are deliciously guilt-free).

I've tried to eat meat a few times since my initial realization after the rib incident (explanation: a couple of months ago I ate a half rack of ribs, suddenly felt disgusting, and had to go throw them out in the dumpster because I couldn't bear having them in my apartment). I know myself as a meat lover, after all, and I couldn't quit cold turkey (hah). Each time, however, I've felt the same way: dirty, weighed down, and guilty. When I've gone periods of time without it, eating extra fruit and vegetables and actually less starchy food (just going by what I feel like eating), I feel so much better. Light, clean and green. I feel more pure. Because after all, this is only half about me, the consumer, and the other side of the relationship--the "giving" side--is so much more important. While I can't keep anyone else from eating meat, and don't look down on them for it, I sleep better at night knowing that nothing has died for my "benefit" today.

We are all children of this earth, none above or below any other. If I have the choice not to eat my brothers and sisters, if I can survive and be healthy without eating meat, then I will make that choice.

So while I haven't labeled myself a vegetarian concretely, I'm in the midst of a personal experiment, and it looks to be headed that way. I also came to the conclusion, however, while discussing this with E, that we don't need to label our diets. What we eat is a personal choice, and it doesn't need to follow strict guidelines set by a dictionary definition; only what we feel is right in our hearts and our bellies.

And yes, I ate turkey on thanksgiving, because if I hadn't my abuelita wouldn't have known what to do with me.

xoxo
Juliana