Blue Moon + Green Goodness

This afternoon/tonight I:

a) Gathered some chard from my garden to make a yummy little dish of greens, and surprise found some kale growing next to it

b) Went for a nighttime walk after eating too much of said greens (and other things) and remembered that today and tomorrow, there is a beautiful blue moon in the sky. There won't be another one until July 2015.

You can never stop feeding your body and your soul, even when you feel terrible.

I ♥ Running

Why do I run?

Today, I was on my usual 1-mile jog around the neighborhood. I had just finished the one mile and was walking one last lap around the block. Got to the corner. Turn right, and I get home. Turn left, and I still get home--after another mile-long loop. I started to walk right, and then for no apparent reason, I turned around and started running left, and I ran a whole other mile. No, I didn't breeze through it. I was breathing hard. But I kept my composure, kept up my pace, and continued my rhythmic breathing (in in out, in in out, iiiiin, ooooutt. And just like that I ran two miles instead of one.

It would have been much shorter and easier to turn right. Why did I turn left?

When I first started going on runs, I couldn't go more than three blocks without walking. I hated running then (it was a couple of years ago). Keeping it up was a chore. Now, I can't go a day without running at least a mile; I feel like I haven't finished my day if I don't. If I do nothing else before I go to bed at night, I have to run (and drink coffee, but that's a different story). It's become a part of me. I run.

What is my motivation? I don't run to lose weight or to look fit (though that's why I started, and they're very nice added bonuses). Why not? Because those are long-term goals. I have trouble sticking with those, as I really need to see quick results. Of course, now that I can look in the mirror and say that I legitimately can see a slight outline of my abdominal muscles, I know that it was worth it. But I think the reason I run is more basic than that; more primal, if you will. Maybe I run to finish. Maybe I run to push myself, to see how far I can take my body. Maybe I run because it makes me feel powerful. Maybe I just love the wind in my face and the slight aching in my right knee that tells me I've done something worth pain.

I don't know what the moral of this rant is. Maybe the point is that there is no moral. I run because I run, and I like to turn left when most people would go right.

CocoRosie - Fairy Paradise

So amazing. CocoRosie, my favorite musicians of all time next to Led Zeppelin. Their music takes me to another place and both Sierra and Bianca are so beautiful to me, in ways much deeper than what first meets the eye.

College Worries

I'm reflecting on education today. More specifically, college education. I've been aware for a while that a friend of mine, someone very close to me, is unhappy at their university, and it seems to me that a large part of it stems from a general disinterest in their field of study (and education in general).

I was once taught, in the alternative high school I attended my junior and senior years, that education must be seen as an end, not a means. College should be about learning: choosing a field of study that truly interests you, engaging with fellow students and professors, and working hard because you want to achieve something for yourself--not for someone else's approval or employment.

Of course, now more than ever, a college degree is necessary to obtain a well-paying job. I think this causes most people to see that as its only purpose. But what are you really gaining if you're spending four years (or more, in the current state of things) taking classes in subjects you don't care about, only to yes, get a good job, but then spend the rest of your life in that same field? Making money can be very important, depending on the life you want to live (I want to make money so I can give my children the opportunities they deserve someday; I couldn't care less about having a luxurious lifestyle for myself). Contrary to that popular saying, I believe money can indeed help to buy happiness in the form of comfort. But I see no good reason to work in a field you are not at all interested in for the sole purpose of supporting a comfortable lifestyle. Chances are, you won't stick with it for very long if it's that uninteresting to you. That is, after all, the number one reason students drop out of school, and probably also why employees quiet their jobs: disinterest.

Enter my (hypothetical, for the sake of privacy) friend. Majoring in business, taking classes in accounting and speech-giving, to someday make a lot of money making high-end business deals (or at least that's the idea). First of all, I don't believe in undergraduate business degrees for a number of different reasons, but if you're really passionate about strategic human interaction in a lucrative environment, go for it. If you've found your calling, do it. But this hypothetical friend doesn't enjoy his/her classes; he/she doesn't seem to find them interesting at all. Nor do they have any kind of idea in mind of how this hard work will make them happy after graduation. It looks to me like they are following a dull and stressful path with no end. It's just business, business, business.

I can see that he/she isn't happy with their educational situation (other aspects of their life are just fine, for now). I want to help without seeming like I am above them ("I've found my passion, now let me help you find yours since you obviously can't do it yourself"), and I'm scared to try, because I don't want to lose them. All I want is for them to be happy.

Dresses II

THIS is what I want. Off etsy, so I can feel like it's a bit more unique/one-of-a-kind/tailored specifically to me.

If I can muster the courage to spend $40 on it (I don't like to part with my hard-earned money) I'm ordering this in the morning.
For reference: http://www.etsy.com/listing/104982435/cbiz012-gypsy-long-sleeve-white-cotton?ref=v1_other_1

Dresses

This is my exception to my brands-are-not-beautiful rule. This is the most gorgeous dress I've ever seen. I'm not the type of girl who's been planning her wedding since age 6, but if I had to decide now on one detail, this would be my bridal gown. Honestly I don't even have to get married, I'll just wear it around the house.

And is it too much to ask that normal everyday maxi dresses not be so ridiculously expensive? It is actually too much to ask, which is why I'm embarking on a journey to make one myself; something ethereal and flowing and fluttery. I'm betting on three or four mistake dresses before I make one right, because I'm impulsive and can assure you I won't read any sewing manuals before trying. Yes, even though I'm acknowledging it right now. It's just who I am. At least I'll have a story to tell when I'm done.

And in case I forget where that dress is from: http://www.inmaculadagarcia.com/en/brides-collection/10

Me, Resurfacing

I haven’t touched this blog in two years, and the purpose of me having one has changed entirely. I’m coming back to it pretty different. In honor of who I was at 16, I’ll keep my old posts, but what this really is now is my distraction page. When I can’t write and, honestly, can’t be motivated to do much else, this is where I’ll go. The following is a long, random thought process. I don’t expect anyone to read this but if someone happens upon it, you’ve been warned.

I’m making spinach and chive pasta. I’ll top it with raw diced tomatoes; the red and green together look so fresh and natural to me, it makes me feel one with the earth. I’ve also been looking up fabrics to make my own dresses and skirts, and maybe other things, because I can’t bring myself to buy brand names anymore. It isn’t me. And I don’t mean that in a “it isn’t me, it’s just not what I do, that’s not the way I live my life” kind of way. I mean it literally is not me: it doesn’t come from me, it doesn’t fit me. I am my own body and soul, and a brand name can’t fit that. I feel like the only way I can feel completely and totally like myself is to make my own clothing.

The same goes for jewelry: if it’s made by someone I love, with love for me, then of course it’s special. But if it’s lost in a sea of choices on a spinning rack in a department store, it has no love, no emotion. It has marketability, and I’m not interested in putting marketability on my body.

What I am interested in putting on myself is a) a nose ring, which I’m still conflicted about, and b) my triple spiral tattoo.

I say my triple spiral tattoo (as opposed to “a” triple spiral tattoo) because it is already mine. In my head, it is already me. I, like so many other women, am a cycle, a continuum: the maiden-mother-crone concept reflects that in the process of growing and becoming who I am, I am already complete and completely myself. At this point in time, on my skin, I am a maiden, but beneath my surface are a mother and a crone, already in existence, already purposed, just waiting to show me and the world who they are. And when I am a mother, I will still be a maiden; when I am a crone, I will still be a maiden and a mother. I am everything I have been, everything I am, and everything I will be. There is no finish line: the end is death, and no matter what lies beyond it, we can be certain that it is not life as we know it. The goal, then, the purpose of life, is not to die, but to live: and by this thinking I can conclude that the finish line is each and every moment, and that the highest objective is to be exactly what you are and do precisely what you mean to in every aspect of your life.

And, to top it all off, none of this really matters, because you are you and I am me, however you or I decide to live our lives or choose to show our true selves to the world outside.

On the subject of what we show the world of ourselves, the reason I haven’t gotten this tattoo yet is because I don’t know where on my body I want it. My first tattoo, a butterfly I played with, is on my upper back, and I honestly can’t think of another place a tattoo would be appropriate.

Yes, “appropriate” is a loose term, but I want my tattoo in a place I can keep covered if I want, and I don’t want it somewhere where I would be immediately judged (aka my lower back). Hands and arms are out, as is lower back…probably.

As I’m writing this, I realize I can Google the meanings of different tattoo placements and see if anything useful comes up. Searching…searching…

Most results are attempts at wry humor: face tattoos? You must be a gang member. Ankle tattoos? What a little princess. Upper back? Probably some sort of dragon. Lower back? I’ll definitely let you buy me a drink.

What I did find useful was this: someone said, quite directly, that if it is something close to your heart, get it close to your heart (aka your chest, upper side, etc). It’s so beautifully simple and got me thinking. If it symbolizes moving forward, get it on your feet, which move you forward; if it symbolizes moving on, get it on your back, which is always behind you and never gets in your way. Put it close to your brain if you want to think it; put it on your arm if it’s meant to protect you.

Then again, visibility also has to be taken into account. Looks like I have something to think about.