The Words I Have To Write

Yesterday--or rather, this morning at 4:30 am--I was refused by a sorority.

I am not a "sorority girl". Neither do I have stick-straight blond hair and big boobs and a tiny nose. I am one of those girls who has always had two or three close girlfriends, and the rest of my friends were guys (it's 100% on the mark that I get along with them more easily).

This particular sorority is different, though. It's not national or Panhellenic. It's local, Santa Cruz-y, with a real emphasis on genuineness, made up of mostly highly intelligent brunettes. At least, this is the perfect image I got of them when I rushed them my freshman year.
Oh, yeah, I've rushed them before.
My first week every in college, before I was settled, before I knew anyone, I put on my eyeliner-heavy sorority face and only spoke when spoken to. I easily did not make it; they didn't know who I was, because I didn't put myself out there. I was a little wounded but I moved on.

The next rush, some of my friends got in, and so when this year's Fall Rush rolled around last week, they convinced me to rush AGAIN. I was skeptical, but I decided to do it. I went to three nights of events and felt I connected with all these girls. Then I get a call this morning where they mispronounce my name and tell me that "due to the high volume of rushes we cannot ask you to come back for interviews tomorrow". Okay.

And you know what? I felt the pang of rejection and tossed and turned for a few minutes, but I had prepared myself for this. I've grown since last year; my life will not end because of a sorority. I figured that if I got asked back, then they like me and I like them, and it'll be a good match. If not? Well, I was completely 100% myself and presented them with exactly who I am, so if they didn't like me, then it's just a sign that we weren't meant to be friends. I could've faked it, but who wants to fake it forever? Too much work.

In short, I am myself, and I am proud of who I am, and with this attitude I can only make the right choices with the right friends. No, the sorority was not the right choice for me, but am I sad? Let down? Angry? None of those things (just a little peeved they pronounced my name wrong). In fact, now I have freed up my time to a) focus on my schoolwork yadayadayada,
b) make muffins for my new neighbor,
c) join the sailing team,
d) write an article for the school's environmental magazine,
e) cook with the medieval and renaissance club,
f)have time to visit my boyfriend often,
g) make some herbal concoctions I've been dreaming about,
h) have time to work out,
i) write my first computer program,
j) try out new recipes,
k) visit my family,
l) make my own dress.

I didn't even realize I can now do all that until I wrote it down just now. Wow. No, I am not exaggerating as to how much time being in a sorority (especially pledging one) takes up.

Well this certainly turned out for the better.

Update: upon seeing their new pledge class, many of whom I know, and doing some reflecting on what the sisters shared with us, my roommate and I realized that this sorority does not accept strong personalities. Rather, they take the shy, sweet, malleable girls and mold them into what they wish. They appear to turn out nicely by the time they're done, and hey, to each their own, but I'll keep my unwavering independence and outspoken quirkiness, thank you very much. Not feeling bad about this anymore. In fact, feeling a)relieved and b)more sure of who I am than ever. Now to do some homework.