Toxicity

Oh hey guys, it's been a while. Where have I been, you ask? Doing homework, doing yoga, going to class, gardening, sleeping, eating...and attempting to rid my body of toxic chemicals.

Over the last few months, a new hyperawareness of what I put in and on my body has caused me to change nearly all of my personal care practices (and my diet--see this post, which still holds today). I've always considered myself a user of "natural products", not because it was something I really believed in, but because my mother did, and nearly everything I used growing up was bought by her.

Now, a few years into living on my own, I've accumulated dozens and dozens of aesthetically pleasing, perfection-promising, plastic-bottled products whose ingredient lists I have not, until now, really looked at. So today, I give you a nowhere near exhaustive list of the scary stuff I've been soaking up.

Also, before you read this and think differently of me (ew, she's so artificial), I'd like to note that I no longer use shampoo and conditioner. I've gone full-on baking soda and water once a week, which I adopted about a month ago because my poor hair--now waist length--was begging to be given back its natural oils (it works better than any commercial product I've ever used, by the way). I had not, however, thrown out my old bottles of chemicals, and after watching the video below earlier today, I decided to get them out and really examine what I had been putting on my body.



I hope you take some time to read all the chemicals I listed, because it took me a long freakin' time to write them all out(methylchloroisothiazolinone was particularly lovely). For some scary words and numbers, see the lists below; for my angry/confused analysis of them, see even farther below.

Important: this is by no means a scholarly paper. I haven't cited sources and this is more me rambling than preaching to anyone about how they should live their lives. If you have questions about where I got information, however, feel free to ask.

Ingredients in my Burt's Bees Lip Balm with Mango Butter:
1. sunflower seed oil
2. coconut oil
3. beeswax
4. natural flavor
5. castor seed oil
6. mango seed butter
7. lanolin
8. ammonium glycyrrhizinate
9. tocopherol
10. rosemary leaf extract
11. soybean oil
12. canola oil
13. limonene
14. linalool

Number of ingredients I recognize AND understand: 9/14, or ~64%


Okay, I might have some weird shit on my lips.

Ingredients in my Alba Botanical Mineral Terra Tints SPF 15 Lip Balm:
1. zinc oxide
2. coconut oil
3. sunflower seed oil
4. candelilla wax
5. beeswax
6. caprylic/capric triglyceride
7. rice bran wax
8. iron oxides
9. mica
10. peppermint oil
11. olive fruit oil
12. calendula officinalis flower extract
13. echinacea purpurea extract
14. stevia rebaudiana leaf/stem extract
15. polyhydroxystearic acid
16. polyglyceryl-3 dilostearate
17. tocopheryl acetate
18. triethoxycaprylylsilane
19. limonene
20. linalool
21. manganese violet

Number of ingredients I recognize AND understand: 9/21, or ~43%

Ingredients in my Head and Shoulders Classic Clean Dandruff Shampoo:
1. pyrithione zinc
2. water
3. sodium lauryl sulfate
4. sodium laureth sulfate
5. glycol distearate
6. zinc carbonate
7. sodium chloride
8. sodium xylenesulfonate
9. cocamidopropyl betaine
10. fragrance
11. dimethicone
12. sodium benzoate
13. guar hydroxypropyltrimonium chloride
14. magnesium carbonate hydroxide
15. methylchloroisothiazolinone
16. methylisothiazolinone
17. blue 1
18. red 33

Number of ingredients I recognize AND understand: 3/18, or ~17%


Okay, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME HAVE I BEEN PUTTING IN MY HAIR.

Ingredients in my Herbal Essences Hello Hydration Moisturizing Conditioner:
1. water
2. stearyl alcohol
3. behentrimonium chloride
4. cetyl alcohol
5. bis-aminopropyl dimethicone
6. zea mays (corn) silk extract
7. orchis mascula flower extract
8. coconut fruit extract
9. fragrance
10. benzyl alcohol
11. disodium edta
12. sodium hydroxide
14. methylchloroisothiazolinone
15. methylisothiazolinone
16. blue 1

Number of ingredients I recognize AND understand: 3/16, or ~19%

And, a breath of fresh air:
Ingredients in my Waxelene (a petroleum jelly substitute):
1. organic soy oil
2. beeswax
3. natural vitamin e oil
4. organic rosemary oil

Number of ingredients I recognize AND understand: 4/4, 100%!

Whoa.
What in the hell is cocamidopropyl betaine? Bis-aminopropyl dimethicone? Why are there three types of alcohol in my "hydrating" conditioner? Vaguest of all: what is "fragrance"?

Note: I stopped after these five products. Hopefully my made-for-babies face cream and unscented, sensitive-skin-sensitive body lotion won't give me a heart attack when I look at them later.

So what do these things mean? I looked it up.

The Not Bad At All
Some of the unrecognizable ones (to me) are not, actually, "bad" for you. For example, lanolin is a skin protectant extracted from the wool of sheep by soaking it in water and filtering the residue. When added to beauty products such as lip balm, it aids in the retention of moisture. Ok, so the secretions of the sebaceous glands of sheep are on my lips, but that's not too bad. Benzyl alcohol is actually found naturally in essential oils such as ylang-ylang and hyacinth, and stearyl alcohol is a fatty alcohol derived from coconut oil. Limonene and linalool are natural scents found in a number of fruits and spices. And, of course, my Waxelene is great stuff (I highly recommend it).

The Kind Of Unpleasant Ones
Some of them are not dangerous, but I don't really want them in or on me. For example, cocamidopropyl betaine was voted Allergen of the Year by the American Contact Dermatitis Society. Yeah. Not interested.

The Toxic Stuff
Some of these ingredients, though, are flat-out toxic (on varying levels, but I don't even want a little bit). Disodium edta, for example. Think "edta" is kind of a weird word? That's because its the shortened version of Ethylenediaminetetraacetic acid, a cytotoxic (toxic to cells) compound used in products to improve their stability in air. Animal testing has shown it to cause reproductive and developmental defects. In addition to what it does to your body, it takes its sweet time degrading once tossed/poured down the drain. Not great for you or Mother Earth.

Searching sodium xylenesulfonate sent me to a chemical bulk-ordering site that gave the following warnings to the purchaser:

Acute toxicity (oral, dermal, inhalation), category 4
Skin irritation, category 2
Eye irritation, category 2
Skin sensitisation, category 1
Specific Target Organ Toxicity – Single exposure, category 3

And to think, I was trying to heal my scalp with that shampoo.

The What The EFF IS THIS Stuff
Some searches on these ingredients--for example, triethoxycaprylylsilane--resulted only in redirections to scientific papers that I could not make heads or tails of (I just know it's a silicone that works as an emulsifier, but nothing will tell me if it's safe or not). Information on polyhydroxystearic acid is limited to articles about how little is known about the substance.


The Gist Of It
To be honest, I didn't even look up all the ingredients. The truth is I don't want to use products I have to spend hours researching in order to feel safe, comfortable and natural. It's so much easier for me to pour some baking soda on my head and make some natural, 3-4 ingredient shaving cream (because--confession--I'm still using the conditioner to shave). I'd rather take all that researching time and make my own lip balm and moisturizer instead.

I'd rather be closer to my body's natural state, my blueprint, how nature intended me to be. I'd rather do less than do more.

I'd rather identify with myself than with a brand or a product, because honestly, the reason most of these products get away with this is that they're not just selling you a bottle, they're selling you an idea, a dream, a lifestyle, even an identity. See the nearest skincare, haircare, or makeup ad for a prime example of this. Or, you know what? See here.



So much more provocative than baking soda.

I believe I promised I wouldn't preach, but I can't help but strongly, strongly encourage awareness. Know what you're putting in your body: what you're eating, breathing, and applying. In the end, if you're okay with the chemicals, that's fine. I know plenty of people who simply don't mind, and their personal care routine is not for me to decide.

But for what it's worth, I think baking soda would enjoy a significant boost in popularity if more people researched the ingredients on their shampoo bottles.

Wishing you all happiness and health,

xoxo
Juliana

How I Want to Write

I should be sleeping right now. I already slept all of last night and then napped for six hours today, but it's not yet enough. See, I made a promise to myself at the start of this quarter: I'm going to make the most of every moment. That means committing to getting the most out of every class, choosing to be more active, more social, more involved. It means, to provide an example of a typical day, biking from class to yoga to class to get groceries to the beach to dinner to lab to back home finally to sleep.

As you can imagine, I'm incredibly happy and incredibly tired, and once a week or so I have to cancel something and take a massive nap. And that's okay with me.

Unfortunately, this doesn't leave much time for blog posts. I'm formulating a plan to carry a camera around with me and let pictures do some of the talking, especially since the weather here in the Cruz is beautiful right now. I say "beautiful" because that is how I typically think of 80 degrees and sunny (the summer child in me is brimming with happiness), but it's impossible for me to ignore that this is far from normal for January in Northern California.

To provide a bit of relief from the wall of text, check this girl, Remi Wolf, out. Our families have been running in the same crowd since we were all wee kindergarteners, and now she's on American Idol! I remember her when she was tiny and performing in our elementary school talent show. She's got a certain something, hasn't she? Evidenced by her hair, the depth of her voice, the fact that she's 17 and singing a Marvin Gaye song...



xoxo
Juliana

The Same Place

After the honeymoon is over — it’s after the desire systems that were dormant in the relationship that have the attraction in it pass and all of it passes — then you are left with the work to do. And it’s the same work. When you trade in one partner for another, you still have the same work. You’re going to have to do it sooner or later when the pizzazz is over. And it just keeps going over. And you can’t milk the romanticism of relationship too long as you become more conscious. It’s more interesting than that. It really is. And people want to romanticize their lives all the time. It’s part of the culture. But the awakening process starts to show you the emptiness of that forum. And you start to go for something deeper. You start to go to meet another human being in truth. And truth is scary. Truth has bad breath at times; truth is boring; truth burns the food; truth is all the stuff. Truth has anger; truth has all of it. And you stay in it and you keep working with it and your keep opening to it and you keep deepening it. Every time you trade in a partner, you realize that there’s no good or bad about it. I’m not talking good or bad about this.


But you begin to see how you keep coming to the same place in relationships, and then you tend to stop because it gets too heavy – because your identity gets threatened too much. For the relationship to move to the next level of truth requires an opening and a vulnerability that you’re not quite ready to make. And so you entrench, you retrench, you pull back and then you start to judge and push away and then you move to the next one. And then you have the rush of the openness and then the same thing starts to happen. And so you keep saying “Where am I going to find the one when this doesn’t happen?” And it will only happen when it doesn’t happen in you. When you start to take and watch the stuff and get quiet enough inside yourself, so you can take that process as it’s happening and start to work with it. And keep coming back to living truth in yourself or the other person even though it’s scary and hard.

-Ram Dass




Allow me to present a hypothesis.

Love is accepting the truth; embracing the process; deciding to put in the time and the effort. True love happens when, as the name would suggest, one understands and accepts who one truly is, and is secure enough to share it with another who has found that same truth within themselves. It's when, after discovering what piece of the puzzle you are, you find another puzzle piece, also aware of itself, that fits you.

Yet, conversely, you are unlike a puzzle piece in the way that you yourself are a whole. You complete yourself. You do not need other pieces to define you.

I think that only when I stop wondering what other piece will fit me, what being will become aware of its truth and mine, will I become whole and true. Only when I let go will I be able to, perhaps, link myself with another in a way deeper than that which I've known.

You come to the same place in each relationship. The excitement and the bliss will eventually reveal, beneath them, the same work. It is only when I and another understand this, accept this, and commit to sharing reality together that love will evolve and endure.

What I don't know is whether this analysis is a sign of growth or being stuck in a pondering rut.