"The Pink Moon is an exciting time of unsettled energy. We feel the urge to try new things and move ahead. Tonight, as the Pink Moon rises, tap into this energy."
- Witches' Datebook
Sometimes, when I haven't written and read and been upside down and listened to music that makes me cry in a while, I forget that I believe in magic. I forget how to reach in and touch the place inside of me that reminds me what I am, and why the part I have to play is unique and necessary and inevitable.
School has been making me feel one-dimensional lately. I've been comparing myself too much to those around me, wondering why I'm not as gifted and advanced as the guy over there landing top internships and understanding principles in a second that take me hours to comprehend. I remember that it takes hard work, and I remember that I have different gifts, but the fact that my gifts don't make money has been weighing on me. I know it's stupid. I'm not failing my classes; I'm doing quite well. I find what I'm learning fascinating. But I know that I'll never be the best, and as realistic and totally normal that is--the best is subjective, and even so, there can only be one at the top--it's a hard truth to stomach for someone who is really trying for the first time in her life.
It is imperative to remember that you are not your major or your job. At least, it is for me. These are all parts, and as the ultimate designer of your own self, it is up to you to decide what defines you. You can have as many parts as you want, and any one of them can take center stage at any time. These parts can be works in progress: today I am an aspiring surfer (took my first class on Tuesday), an aspiring yogi (did my first handstand today), and an aspiring well-rounded software engineer. Furthermore, deciding to do or be something can come from completely out of the blue. An identifiable catalyst is not necessary; sometimes, from the abyss, comes life.
Sometimes I have to remember that, as cliche as it sounds, the thing I am the best at is being me, no matter where my career takes me and what hobbies I pursue (and screw that word, it negates the importance of life outside moneymaking). All I have to do is keep going.
Has Spring's rebirth awakened anything in you?
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