The Freedom

Perhaps it is too early to reflect. The increasingly puzzling nature of my own head has already made itself quite plain to me, so maybe I'm better off not thinking. Or rather, desperately trying not to think.

All I know is that I have to be my own person, independent of ties that go too deep for my mind to handle, though my body was all too equipped to handle them well. The shower of adoration came too long after the chains had rusted around me. I had already begun to move off the ground, bloody as my bondage made me, painful as it was, when the chains began to dissipate. It was too late. I had already bled.

How can one say no to a lifetime of love and commitment so freely offered by one such as him, my adonis, my comfort, my one and my only for so many years? How can one choose solitude and uncertainty and cold nights?

It was the most painful thing I have ever had to do. Yet watching him go was like watching a stream continue on its way, or a fire burning down to its embers after a night of life-saving warmth; it was not done before its time. It was the most painful thing I have ever had to do, but after he left this morning, after my tears had dried, I took a deep breath and realized that my chains were gone. I can breathe again. I am free.

The world around me will always be changing. The people and places and heads and hearts will be ever moving. My foundations may crumble, and my sky may fall. I will travel and tremble and change the direction of my heart. Yet with myself as my witness, I will always, always stay true to myself.



xoxo
Maralah