Beautiful Things?

This morning, after jumping out of bed with a surprising amount of energy at 8:30 am (not a common thing for me this winter break), my family--mom, dad, sisters, godmother, and dog--set off on an alpine adventure. I finally remembered to bring a real camera on a hike, something I always kick myself for forgetting. While my photography skills are a little rusty, I managed to get some adequate shots of the wilderness around me. By adequate, I mean that they manage to convey some of the life and beauty that greeted me in the hills. My ultimate goal--and I am in no way alone in this--is to recreate (if only for a moment) the feeling of being surrounded by nature . That feeling is, of course, indescribable, and recreating it fully is impossible, but it is only with that unreachable goal in mind that one may take a memorable photograph. At least, in my opinion. :)

The ground was just beginning to firm up again after the rain, and the earth was still like dark chocolate. The moss, from pale to seaweed green, left no branch bare.

Everything was green and brown except for the occasional cluster of ruby red berries, and the gray-silver of the trickling stream.

I also forced my sister to take pictures of me. Why? Because I'm practicing erasing all expression from my face.

This is strange, you say? I agree. A friend of mine, the man behind the cause Beyond The Four Walls , asked me to model his campaign's shirt yesterday (he's sponsored by American Apparel). Side note--check it out: he's in the process of producing a documentary whose proceeds will go to providing education for women in Nepal.

Anyway, I started out smiling. He said no, don't smile. Be expressionless (for whatever reason. I think smiling is awesome). I said okay...and proceeded to (apparently) do this weird squinty thing for the next 20 shots. He was not exactly pleased with the pictures and neither was I, and we tossed them. But as he already asked me, and gave me a shirt, he wants to try again. So I made my sister take pictures of me practicing being "expressionless".

This is me, third-day hair, after a 3 mile hike, with no makeup and no expression.

I think I look incredibly strange. All the facial characteristics I have ever been self conscious about are on clear display in these pictures. I don't have high cheekbones or slanted eyes (I have a slight lazy eye, in fact) or perfectly formed brows (I'm slapping myself right now for saying these things). And the thing is, I don't usually care that much. I like the way I look; I think that I am, as is everyone else, beautiful in my own way. But as there is no emotion in these pictures--only raw facial features--I find myself being overly critical of my appearance, and wondering: why does he want to take pictures of me?

Maybe I have to learn to love my expressionless face. Maybe candid, unemotional me is the me I have to come to terms with. Or maybe I just have to do it for his pictures, and I can go on thinking I'm most beautiful when I'm smiling.

Anyway, lastly and a little belated: while I’ve always been skeptical of New Year’s resolutions, I have some ongoing resolutions that I figured would go well on a blank slate. Fitness goals aside (I’ll spare you), I want to:

-Make progress on my book (my secret book that almost no one knows about)

-Read more/discover great literature. The book I just picked up and can’t wait to read: The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, a hero’s tale told from a hero’s perspective

-Find a summer internship

-Create/discover healthy new recipes (save up to buy a dehydrator, a magical device I just discovered)

-Spend more time in nature/go on more adventures

-Climb more—get a membership at the climbing gym (rock climbing, my boyfriend’s passion)

-Do well in my classes.

Here’s to 2013 *crossing fingers*, and thank you, oh 2012, for a fantastic year of love.